Sat
Jul
11
chase the dream dont run from the fear..
maybe she cares more than i thought she did.. enough to text and call within minutes…x
my home for the past week :)
6 DAYS TO GO!
so i have 6 days untill i leave this country to go exploring all on my lonesome!!! this time next week i will be 4 hours into a 21hour plane journey!! v v scary!! i still have so much to do, but doesnt help that i have a horrible cold so am in bed! i have last weeks sailing holiday and getting very wet to thank for that!!! i did have an immense time though and met some awesome people, one in particular who i keep thinking about! v yummy but if anything happened would be scandel as he is as far from available as you could get!
things with chris unfortunatly didnt work out, we are just so so different, but i dont regret going there or us trying because it was heading that way for such a long time and i would have always wondered otherwise. he is so so lovely but all about minimal effort on everything and i believe that when u love someone you want to show it by putting lots of effort in and really appriciating eachtother.. i just didnt get that with him.
plus last week at a party i ended up kissing my ex after a messy break up with him just over a year ago, very strange and unexpected but turned out to be an amazing night.. and such a text book ex thing to happen!!
going back to the sailing holiday.. one of the best things ever was just rufffing it all the time! like no makeup no hairdryers no fancy clothes.. just hoodies and jeans and flipflops and sunnies!! brilliant!! and who knew i could do it!!
:-)
x
Mon
May
11
everytime
I look at that bed, i think of me and him sleeping in it, our first time, our first night, it makes me smile. :) It DOES NOT make me smile that she is sleeping in it instead of her own because her bedcovers arnt dry! GRRRRR
I really need to stop smoking, but i love it, i love the little dizzy feelings i get and i love breathing in the fresh air of the outside inbetween the toxic breaths of the cigarette. its weird i know, and not cool.. waaa i will stop! i am not one of the crowd! x
I NEVER want to be one of the crowd
Today
I have a migraine and generally feel unwell I still feel so very confused I want to tell him how much i want to be with him I want to go away for a weekend so that we can lay in bed together and hold hands without everyone talking about us I want to understand him and know who he is I want him to let me in I wish I could just get this coursework finished I want to be browner I wish he was cuddling me now like he was while I was sleeping the other night.. x
Sun
May
10
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
I gave you all you desired
All that you needed
Boy I provided
I let you into my head into my bed
And that’s a privilege
I had your back in the answers
You took the dollars
I took the chances
Defended battled and fought
Cause I really thought you loved me
I don’t know where to start or where to stop (No)
But I know I am done I’ve had enough
So fall, out of my head out of my heart
And when you hit the ground
You’ll be sorry that I’m not around
I will watch you fall while you
Fall out of your mind out of your fantasy
When you hit the wall think of me
I’ll be on the top just watching you fall
You said that you were the strong one
I was the girl and I was the young one
I kept your feet on the ground
My head in the rounds, I had you
You told me you were so grateful
I was with you and I was so faithful
I stood by in all that you said
And all that you dared, I loved you
I don’t know how to act or what to say
But I know I am good I’ll be OK
And you
Fall, out of my head, out of my heart
And when you hit the ground
You’ll be sorry that I’m not around
I will watch you while you
You fall out of your mind, out of your fantasy
When you hit the wall think of me
Take me far away please.. far away from this boring life.. I know theres so much more and I want to see it!
